Alpha

Okay, I have absolutely no one to talk to and no where to post how I feel at the moment so feel lucky blog.You can't write anything on FB anymore for fear that someone somewhere will turn it around and then everyone will either know your business or think they know your business. And I do not want everyone to know my business and say whats wronggggggg, don't talk about me, I can't believe you did that, why r u mad.....I just want to bitch with out a response. So heres the deal. Imagine an extremely OCD person coming home to their home being completely rearranged. Well, after 12 hours of work and 3 hours of soccer thats what I got to come home to! I may of over reacted by screaming, ripping pictures off the wall, crying but hey, it's my house, my stuff, that has taken me years to make perfect! Now, the babysitter is in charge of this fiasco. She was simply trying to help, as she put it still not understanding how that helped, and had called me earlier that day and said she was going to dust which was fine. But when I arrived home at 9pm to realize all 11 rooms of my house has been changed....omg! My wine room, my back porch, my fridge, my dvds rearranged, all the pictures on every wall of the house, my drawers in the kitchen, my vases and kids awards wall, my shelves, my desk, my files, cut up my baby pictures, wrote "I love you" in all of my books, pulled out my wedding planning book I had hid for the wedding I never had and wrote notes in it, moved the animals food bowls, changed the bath room. I didn't even eat dinner I was so upset. So after my breakdown last night I woke up numb but calm. I had everything planned out for the speak I would have to give. Oh and did I tell you that this babysitter is a very good friend of mine lol! I know right! Oh and did I tell you that while I was having my breakdown my oldest son comes up to me and says" mom, why is she changing everything? It's like she's trying to become the new mom"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG It already hurts to be a working mom and I worry about this "hand that rocks the cradle" scenario all the time but I've never actually said it out loud. Apparently my son is very perspective. Any way, the babysitter arrived this morning...I said we need to have a talk, in my chippery voice covered with a smile. "Uh OH" she said. No it's okay I just wanted to talk to you about yesterday. As much as I appreciate all that you do for me I think that this was crossing your boundaries. The water works started instantly. No not me. She started bawling. Sending me into shock. I thought long and hard about the proper words....I never raised my voice and tried to be very unoffending, and I still had a lot more to say! Why was she crying???!!! I wiped her tears and gave her a hug. Said I love you top the kids and left the house baffled. I waited all day for a post on FB about it or something crazy...well I just received a text from her. She wants to make it up to me with a pedicure.
And people wonder why I feel crazy.